It's crazy because of all the scenarios I had played in my head while I was pregnant with my son back in 2003....
I never ever imagined it would go the way that it went.
There was no way to prepare for his death at all.
There was no way to prepare for his death at all.
I was 6 1/2 months pregnant one minute, decorating his room, gathering things that he would need...nesting I suppose.
And then the next minute I was in hospital bed surrounded by nurses and Doctors who were telling me that my son was going to die as soon as he was born.... which was 12 long hours later. 12 hours of listening to his little heart beat inside of me, knowing it would soon come to a stop.
I suffered from a Placental Abruption, oh but I was suffering from so much more.
I held him afterwards for a long time, we even napped together for an hour. I got to put a diaper on him and a little hat and shirt and wrap him in a blanket. They took photos of him for me and before we left the hospital they gave us a little satin box that contained a birth/death certificate (not a certified one but a hand written one), it also contained these little cards with his hand prints on them and his footprints...a Keepsake Box .
Within a couple of days we were picking out his itty bitty casket and then a plot at the cemetery, his funeral was so surreal to me....I just wanted to go home. My heart ached, my head ached and my body ached...my body did not understand that he had died and so I had all the milk but no baby to feed, it was physically uncomfortable and emotionally excruciating.
On the way home I remember thinking about the little white kitten that had been following me around since my son had passed on...he had been sitting up with me each night as I cried and following me from room to room during the day.
Through all of the sorrow I was feeling in that moment after the funeral, I felt this little bit of comfort knowing he would be there when I got home...I mean that thought literally took the edge off...
Now, 13 years later I wonder if they knew one another, Mikey and my Son...
Because the plan worked so perfectly.
Or could this have been just one of those things?
I don't think so.
The footprints here belong to my Son and the Model is Mikey
You can read our entire story below if you want to.
In Memory of
Johnny Boyd Brown
A Little Boy Born too Soon
July 1, 2003- July 1, 2003
Johnny Boyd Brown
A Little Boy Born too Soon
July 1, 2003- July 1, 2003
2 comments
Wow. :(
So beautiful.
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